Who am I?

Seriously? Who am I to go to a place, by myself, where Christians are persecuted. The country is number 6 on the the top ten most persecuted countries in the world! Who am I to go there when I can't even witness in my home town? I feel like the biggest hypocrite. I am not ready for this. How can I preach when I don't even know how? I'm think... kinda considering, about a decision that is prolly gonna ruin my future. You can take it as running from my calling, while persuing it at the sametime. ugh. This is rediculous.

But God is so awesome. He has put all of this together in his perfect timing. He was workin even when I didn't see Him. I'm going forth, not looking back! I'm plunging into this missions thing! I hear God calling, and now...ready or not, here I go!

Heart on a Sleeve

Most people have heard of the saying "Wearing your heart on your sleeve." When I first heard that I wasn't really sure what all it meant. Now, from experince, I do. I have found that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I take it off for a short while, but most of the time it remains on my sleeve. I didn't used to be like this. In fact I was quite the opposite.
At first, I liked wearing my heart, displaying it for all to see. I was loud, and outgoing. (still am, but not as much) It was as though I had been rewarded with awesome friendships by this simple act. Now, I find that it just gets me in trouble. People have just torn it apart, made it bleed, and walked all over it, taking advantage. Now it's been forced back inside where it belongs. But now, I'm tired of hiding my heart. I want to take that risk of putting it out there again. I mean, I was silly to think in the first place that my heart would be ok when it's all exposed. But I have to wonder,in this new enviorment, if its a bad thing to wear my heart on my sleeve? To put it back out there. Unfortunatly there are wolves amoung the sheep. All I want to do is glorify God.

Programing worship?

I was recently at the WMS2 where people from all around the world gathered to worship and praise our God. (also, to recruit people to missions...haha) But really, it was the most amazing time I've experienced. I would have to say it was some of the best worship from this past semester. Anyways, when I came back to CBC it was like someone turned a switch on. I found it harder to really get into worship, to that level of intensity that is. Why is it that when we're at functions that the WMS2 or youth rallys we sing to the top of lungs...well almost...and when we come back, its like we get back into the old worship habits? I'm so sick of it. I know people who go to youth camp experience that a lot. In today's world we're so sure that it'll happen the question no longer is "will it happen?" its now, "how long until it happens?" its almost like we speak it into our own lives, its like we accept defeat before the battle even begins. Have we been "programed" to worship in different ways depending on our surroundings? its kinda like, if we're home we worship half-heartedly, but when we're on a missions trip or an outreach or at a church function, we turn that switch on and get focused in, and want God so much. we don't want to leave unchanged. why can't it be that way EVERYDAY? God deserves more than what we're giving Him. I'm not trying to sound as if I'm putting people down and saying everyone in the whole world is a horrible worshipper. I'm simply saying that no matter what "level" we're at, we can always give God more. On the days when we don't "feel" like worshipping, or the days we don't feel good, or are just too busy, we need to remember to worship God with all that we are. ever fiber of our being. Thats why he created us! If we don't worship Him the rocks will cry out. I don't know about you, but I don't want some rock doing the very thing I am created to do. We should worship Him with our very lives. the things that we do and say everyday. Honor God in all you do. Break out of the worldly mold. it doesn't matter what others are thinking, it only matters what He thinks of our worship. He deserves more than what we're giving Him.