Friday, December 26, 2008

Random Rants and Raves...

Complacentcy. Such a nasty word. But I have found it crept its way into my life this past semester. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. I guess it slipped up on me. Once I noticed it was there, I tried fixing it, but alas, it only got worse. I think this illistration a friend told me says it well. Picture a frog in a beaker over water over a fire. The frog is content and slowly the temp gets turned up one degree at a time. The frog settles for the new temp everytime, and most of the time doesnt even notice. The next thing you know, the frog is dead because he boiled to death. Lets just say the water is almost at boiling point.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

These words are so true. They are from the song "Superman" by five for fighting. I stayed up until a little after 1 am this morning talking to some friends about this same thing. It seems like I knew who I was, I knew I was a child of the King. I mean don't get me wrong i still do. But it seems like when I came here all of the upper classmen make fun of you for being on fire for God. Now, I'm not speaking for every person. But really there are so many people who judge you here. we get taught a certain way to do things.... a certain way to worship, to preach, to do all these things, and if anyone steps outside of that box that has been created, then it makes them wrong. what about our theme for this year? "pursuing the extaordinary" there is a poster of it in the chapel, and its a purple box with a bunch of colors and splatters all around it. we talk all about stepping outside of the box, but when people actually do, they get judged and criticized for it. it makes the ones who do step out of the box feel like there is something wrong with them. its rediculous. Everyone speaks of not getting stuck in complacentcy, but when the upper classmen are not setting the example, it doesnt help. So many people are confident and know who they are in God but when they get judged, it makes them want to step back, and hold off on giving God everything. its like we are naive and everyone is just "humoring" us. saying, "oh how cute. they'll grow out of it. they will mature one day" its like, we all want to fly, and be all we can for God, but when we do we fail miserably. or we just see others fall and so we cant stand to fly, we aren't that naive. and now we're just out to find ourselves, once again. it stinks. i know for me, seems like i have to learn everything all over again. i have to learn who i am, and whose i am. i have to learn things that i already know. things that i used to put into practice, but now i know they're there, but they seem so foreign. i feel like i am stuck in the pit of complacentcy. consumed in a cave of critizism.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Life as a Masquerade

Life is a masquerade. So many people wear masks. So many have learned how to perfect the dance so no one knows they are just going through the mostions. the dance is passionless. its fake. the one dancing is so insecure. they look at the other dancers. they see higher jumpers, prettier masks, better costumes, perfect fakeness. why is it they are compare masks?

The mask is my shield, my wall, my veil
hiding insecurity and knowing at some point, i'll fail
my face stained with streaks of mascara, and make-up art
im pushing away the only one who can awaken this complacent heart
a sea of masks going through the motions of the masquerade
perfection of dance that flows
no one even knows
my heart cries out
for removal of fear and doubt
faces spin, colors blend
when will this song ever end?