Sunday, March 24, 2013

Only what is done for Christ...

Recently I lost my grandpa, Fred Bookout. It was March 12, 2013. I was there with him when he passed away. He was in a coma like state. Doctors said he could hear and understand what people said to him, but he couldn't respond back. His bed was moved into the living room where my grandma slept on the couch beside him. Doctors only gave him a few days to live, and by this time it had already been a few days. I took off of work to spend the day with him and my grandma. I had this weird feeling that he might/was going to pass away that day. I'm glad I took off of work because he passed less than an hour after  I arrived that morning. My mom was miraculously able to be there. They put the ramp down and wheeled her into the house. Every one said that my grandpa was waiting to meet with her one last time. I'm so glad that she was able to be there. It was my grandma, mom, uncle Rick, and I around his beside. my grandma told him it was ok and that we were all there. I came in and said "hi grandpa." I sat down and just took in the situation and all the emotions and tears and how my grandpa was doing. I should have told him one last time that I loved him. I know that he knew I loved him....but still. my grandma had a pulsometer on his finger to see his pulse and oxygen level. It was not too good. My grandma told him we were there and it was ok. my uncle said he thought it was getting close. his pulse got lower. i stood up and were were all standing around him. my mom was holding his hand. my grandma was holding his hand and lovingly rubbing his face. She told him it was ok and he could relax and go, that we were all fine. she told him that my mom was there. i think maybe he was holding on so he could be with my mom one more time. on the list of things to do and get situated before his death, he wanted to go out and see my mom, but he never got to do that because he never was able to go because of his health. his levels were getting lower. the time in between breaths got longer and longer. finally, I could since in my spirit that he had taken his last breath and was now in heaven, on legs that actually worked and reunited with his daughter, Doris. my grandma was devastated. she layed over his body crying. I was sad that he was gone but happy that he had a new body and was with God. I was upset and sad to see everyone else so sad. my mom was upset.

it's been really rough and hard on my mom and grandma. but God's grace is always enough!

This has had an impact on me. I mean, going to his graveside and hearing about living legacies and hearing people talk about how great of a guy he was and all the nice things he did made me think about my life. it really put into perspective how truly short our life is, compared with eternity. I''m almost 24....I'm almost half way to 50. It also put into perspective the important things in life. I love my mom. She lives in Ash Grove and I'm not always able to go see her. She has been there for me and supported me. I want her to know I'm there for her and I want to take care of her. She is on dialysis my grandpa. (it makes me worried because my grandpa was on dialysis and he died of kidney failure because the dialysis stopped working eventually. I don't want that to happen to my mom) My mom is in town 3 days a week and I never go see her. there is no excuse for that. All I have to do is drive across town, instead of what seems like an hour, to ash grove. I'm visiting my mom more and calling her more. I want to be there for the ones I love. I want to tell them I love them. I want to make sure and go out of my way to show them that I love them.

But also, more than this..... I want to show Christ's love to people. The ones I love and the ones I dont know. or don't like. I read this quote on facebook that has stuck out to me. I think about this quote several times a day. "Only one life, t'will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last." This is taken from a poem written by C.T. Studd, a missionary. This is so true. This has been challenging me daily. I know that what you spend your money on shows where your heart lies. All of a sudden things dont seem to be as important as they once were. I've been giving money to different missions projects and am looking for missionaries to support. I've been thinking about when I get to Africa as a missionary. But what can I do here, now, for the kingdom of God? Who can I tell the life changing news of Jesus to?

I started this new job at a dentist office filing papers and tossing out old files of people. I found a folder of a person who was born in 1909! What's sad is that in some of these folders there was a newspaper clip of their obituary.  I actually read the first few lines of some of these people. how old they were when they died. why or what had caused them to pass away. the word says that all things will pass away, but the word of God lives forever. Jesus is forever. God is forever. the Holy Spirit is forever. but this earth will one day pass away. people pass away.  It seems like all I have thought about the past week is this.

I want to lay aside worldly comforts and desires and securities, and do things for God. Spending my money on furthering the kingdom. Telling people about the life changing news of Jesus. Living in a way that radiates the love of God. When we get to Heaven, it will be worth it all.

I love my grandpa and he will be dearly missed.