tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36538904890425229662024-03-05T06:37:58.500-08:00Sar-haSar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.comBlogger22125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-34518775378379104832013-03-24T00:28:00.003-07:002013-03-24T00:28:40.969-07:00Only what is done for Christ...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Recently I lost my grandpa, Fred Bookout. It was March 12, 2013. I was there with him when he passed away. He was in a coma like state. Doctors said he could hear and understand what people said to him, but he couldn't respond back. His bed was moved into the living room where my grandma slept on the couch beside him. Doctors only gave him a few days to live, and by this time it had already been a few days. I took off of work to spend the day with him and my grandma. I had this weird feeling that he might/was going to pass away that day. I'm glad I took off of work because he passed less than an hour after I arrived that morning. My mom was miraculously able to be there. They put the ramp down and wheeled her into the house. Every one said that my grandpa was waiting to meet with her one last time. I'm so glad that she was able to be there. It was my grandma, mom, uncle Rick, and I around his beside. my grandma told him it was ok and that we were all there. I came in and said "hi grandpa." I sat down and just took in the situation and all the emotions and tears and how my grandpa was doing. I should have told him one last time that I loved him. I know that he knew I loved him....but still. my grandma had a pulsometer on his finger to see his pulse and oxygen level. It was not too good. My grandma told him we were there and it was ok. my uncle said he thought it was getting close. his pulse got lower. i stood up and were were all standing around him. my mom was holding his hand. my grandma was holding his hand and lovingly rubbing his face. She told him it was ok and he could relax and go, that we were all fine. she told him that my mom was there. i think maybe he was holding on so he could be with my mom one more time. on the list of things to do and get situated before his death, he wanted to go out and see my mom, but he never got to do that because he never was able to go because of his health. his levels were getting lower. the time in between breaths got longer and longer. finally, I could since in my spirit that he had taken his last breath and was now in heaven, on legs that actually worked and reunited with his daughter, Doris. my grandma was devastated. she layed over his body crying. I was sad that he was gone but happy that he had a new body and was with God. I was upset and sad to see everyone else so sad. my mom was upset.<br />
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it's been really rough and hard on my mom and grandma. but God's grace is always enough!<br />
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This has had an impact on me. I mean, going to his graveside and hearing about living legacies and hearing people talk about how great of a guy he was and all the nice things he did made me think about my life. it really put into perspective how truly short our life is, compared with eternity. I''m almost 24....I'm almost half way to 50. It also put into perspective the important things in life. I love my mom. She lives in Ash Grove and I'm not always able to go see her. She has been there for me and supported me. I want her to know I'm there for her and I want to take care of her. She is on dialysis now...like my grandpa. (it makes me worried because my grandpa was on dialysis and he died of kidney failure because the dialysis stopped working eventually. I don't want that to happen to my mom) My mom is in town 3 days a week and I never go see her. there is no excuse for that. All I have to do is drive across town, instead of what seems like an hour, to ash grove. I'm visiting my mom more and calling her more. I want to be there for the ones I love. I want to tell them I love them. I want to make sure and go out of my way to show them that I love them.<br />
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But also, more than this..... I want to show Christ's love to people. The ones I love and the ones I dont know. or don't like. I read this quote on facebook that has stuck out to me. I think about this quote several times a day.<b><u> "Only one life, t'will soon be past, only what's done for Christ will last."</u></b> This is taken from a poem written by C.T. Studd, a missionary. This is so true. This has been challenging me daily. I know that what you spend your money on shows where your heart lies. All of a sudden things dont seem to be as important as they once were. I've been giving money to different missions projects and am looking for missionaries to support. I've been thinking about when I get to Africa as a missionary. But what can I do here, now, for the kingdom of God? Who can I tell the life changing news of Jesus to?<br />
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I started this new job at a dentist office filing papers and tossing out old files of people. I found a folder of a person who was born in 1909! What's sad is that in some of these folders there was a newspaper clip of their obituary. I actually read the first few lines of some of these people. how old they were when they died. why or what had caused them to pass away. the word says that all things will pass away, but the word of God lives forever. Jesus is forever. God is forever. the Holy Spirit is forever. but this earth will one day pass away. people pass away. It seems like all I have thought about the past week is this.<br />
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I want to lay aside worldly comforts and desires and securities, and do things for God. Spending my money on furthering the kingdom. Telling people about the life changing news of Jesus. Living in a way that radiates the love of God. When we get to Heaven, it will be worth it all.<br />
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I love my grandpa and he will be dearly missed. </div>
Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-84305624292851438962012-05-23T19:38:00.000-07:002012-05-23T19:38:11.614-07:00Driving on Empty<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A few Sundays ago as I was pulling out of church and passed the Rapid Roberts that is pretty much right across from our church. I was so low on gas that the gas light had come on a few different times that morning, but for some reason I didn't stop for gas. I thought I could make it to my destination and that I would gas up later. I passed another gas station and decided that I should get gas, but again, I drove right past it. I saw one coming up, this time it was a casey's.... but I wasn't sure how to pull in so I just kept on going. I did make it to my destination (grandma's house) but I couldn't help but think that this is how sometimes how we can be in our spiritual lives. We have a spiritual tank that needs to be filled each and every day. Sometimes we try to run in our own strength or at times we are almost on empty but decide to keep going instead of letting the Holy Spirit fill us.<br />
I just want to challenge you (myself included), to make sure our spiritual tank is full before we start our day. </div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-81897705044881644712012-04-15T20:33:00.000-07:002012-04-15T20:33:58.800-07:00A day I will always remember...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
April 15, 2012.<br />
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This is the day I officially became the FIRST female youth pastor at Battlefield Assembly of God. The next 2 years of my life I will be a pastor to the young people who attend the church I grew up in as a teen. This is such an exciting step in my life and in my ministry! I NEVER thought that I would be a youth pastor, especially before I graduate from bible college. I'm honored to serve in this role. I can't wait to see what God is going to do in the lives of young people in this area! Sometimes I feel like it hasn't fully sank in yet..... I am a pastor. (I'm working on my credentials, but it is a lengthy process. I kinda feel like I should be credentialed to officially be called a pastor.) I have a friend who calls me pastor and when she does, it just makes my heart so happy. :)<br />
Pastor.<br />
Leader.<br />
Counselor.<br />
Preacher.<br />
Servant.<br />
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But, why me? I can't help but wonder this sometimes? Why did God pick me? Why now? I feel like someone else would be better qualified as youth pastor. Why not have a cbc student that is in some sort of leadership role? a class president? an RA? Why now? Why not wait until after I graduate? I don't feel like I am ready. Maybe this opportunity could come again in a year? Maybe I would feel better prepared then. But I guess God is just looking for an open vessel that He can do His work through. Today at church, the pastor introduced a couple who is going to be leading the young adult ministry (which we have desperately needed for awhile and I'm so glad we finally have it!) Then he went on to introduce me as the new youth pastor. he had me come forward and told the congregation that I am working on credentials, and that he knows I am called to preach, and have drama talent hidden up my sleeve, and some other things. He had the youth staff and kids come lay hands on me and pray for me. This was my commissioning. He then unexpectedly (even though I should have expected it,) handed me the microphone and wanted me to respond, and say something. I didn't know what to say so I just told the church that I was excited and that I want to see the kids discipled and build a firm foundation to stand on, and that I want to see the group grow by the kids reaching out to other kids. At the conclusion of the service he had all of the people 25 and younger to come forward. He then told me to step forward, turn to face the kids lined up, and to start down the line and pray for all of the kids.<br />
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The sermon that pastor preached today, I felt like it was directed towards me. I know it was directed to the church as a whole, and that several people were encouraged by it, I felt like it fit my situation to a perfect T. I have just been feeling so inadequate, and scared of making mistakes and failing. What if I can't live up to what is expected from me? I don't know anything about youth ministry or building up a youth group. When I got the call after waiting anxiously for 3 hours for the board meeting to end and found out I was approved as youth pastor, I was in shock. I was terrified! scared. fearful. But, in pastor's sermon today he talked about Joshua taking the leadership role of Moses. He said that Joshua was always in the presence of God. If you wanted to find Joshua, find the presence of God, and there he would be. He spent most of his time in God's presence. in that secret place. In Deut 31:7-8 it says "Then Moses summoned Joshua and said to him in the presence of all of Israel, "be strong and courageous, for you must go with these people into the land that the Lord swore to their forefathers to give them, and you must divide it among them as their inheritance. The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." In this passage Moses is telling Joshua to not be afraid, discouraged, and to be strong as he steps up to be the new leader. My pastor was saying how the way Joshua leads may look a little different than the way Moses lead. He related it to mean that a younger person may lead differently than a "moses" or an older person. Moses and Joshua were from 2 different generations. Then in Joshua chapter 1 verse 6-9 God is telling Joshua the same thing that Mose<span style="font-family: inherit;">s told him, "<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV1984-5859" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: top;">7</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;">Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV1984-5860" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: top;">8</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. </span><sup class="versenum" id="en-NIV1984-5861" style="background-color: white; font-size: 0.75em; font-weight: bold; text-align: -webkit-auto; vertical-align: top;">9</sup><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px; text-align: -webkit-auto;"> Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go." </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I want to be like Joshua. Where ever the presence of God is, there I want to be. I want to spend most of my time in the presence of God. Everyone keeps saying that I will do such a good job as youth pastor, but I have trouble convincing myself that I will. I know I will make mistakes. I know I can't do it on my own. I feel like God is calling me to rise up. Pastor said in his sermon that Joshua was just kinda hiding away until it was time to rise as leader. I feel like God is calling me to rise up and be a leader. I feel Him calling me deeper into His presence. Did I also mention that we had a message in tongues today about fear? I don't remember all that was said but it tied into what pastor spoke about. I feel God calling me to be a prayer warrior and to look at prayer more seriously. I need to develop my prayer life more. I want to spend an hour a day in prayer. prayer for this youth ministry. the youth kids. friends. family. the lost. unsaved. and things in my life. praying that my life would glorify God and would be pleasing to him. I want to pray without ceasing! Oh, how things would be different if I actually took prayer more seriously! I have been feeling this for awhile. even before being the youth pastor crossed my mind. I want to interceed for Africa. For Morocco. My friends there. Muslims around the world. The lost and hurting of this world. God is calling me to make a change in my life. a transformation. a change for life. not just something I change for a week or a month. but life! People make changes in their diet because of diabetes or other issues. This is a dietary change that is </span>permanent<span style="font-family: inherit;">. I need to change what I am eating, spiritually. I need to change my habits. I need to get in the habit of spending time in the word, and in the presence of God. This is the only way that I can remain strong and courageous. Being with God is how the fear will cease. Like it says in Joshua, I need to meditate on the word day and night, not letting it depart from me. God is with me. He goes before me. He prepares the way. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me...even in my weaknesses!!! I'm ready to spiritually "roll up my sleeves" if you will... and get to work. its gonna be hard work. sometimes dirty, sweaty painful, but rewarding work. I'm ready to get out of my comfort zone. I'm an empty vessel that knows i can't do this without the Holy Spirit leading me and doing His work through me. He is the work at work, I'm just the messenger that is will to go and obey. I'm ready to claim young people for the kingdom of God. This is war. Yes, I'm ready for battle. I want God to use me to snatch those in the enemy's hands. I'm not going to sit at home and knit while I hear about the war going on. I'm going to be on the front lines. When you are fighting a war, everywhere you walk on the battlefield you are watchful, and have your sword in hand, ready to strike if need be. In the same way, everywhere I go I want to be watchful of </span>opportunities, ready with the word of God, which is sharper than any double-edged sword. If God is for me, then who can be against me? </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I know this won't be easy. I'm scared.. but the more time I spend with God, the less scared I get and the more determined I get. Holy Spirit lead me, I will follow you. You know the hearts and minds of these kids. Draw them to you. Speak to them. Reveal yourself to them in a powerful way! </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm ready. I'm moving forward. This is war. </span></span></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-44496946906559065582012-04-07T13:58:00.002-07:002012-04-07T13:58:58.238-07:00The Drive Through Window Experience.<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Yesterday I was at my Grandma's waiting for her to get ready to come shopping with me, and I picked up the little paper that always comes in the Pentecostal Evangel to read until she was done. I started reading about this lady who always went to the drive through window to pick up food because her daily schedule was so busy she didn't even have time to go inside. I thought this article was going to be about how unhealthy fast food was, and I thought I was going to read about different eating tips and other advice to eating better, that combined with exercise, would lead to a more healthier lifestyle. I was wrong...it wasn't about that at all. The author of this article went on to say that the Lord spoke to her and showed her that her spiritual life was a lot like her drive through eating habits. How easy and tempting it is to get quick nibbles and snacks from the pastors sermon, a good song about Jesus on the radio, a devo that someone else shares with us, etc. These are great, don't get me wrong, but they are from from the other person's time with God. For us to not be spiritually malnourished, we need to enter in and sit at the banquet table with the Lord. Just you and the Lord. God invites us to come and sit with Him at His banquet table where we can get spiritual food that truly nourishes us. When I read this article I was challenged to look at my own life to see if I am just going to the drive through window or if I am actually entering into the banquet of the Lord. I don't want my conversations with God to be limited to a drive through. I don't want God to be the waiter at a restaurant, I want Him to be the person I am sitting and fellowshiping with. I want to become more like Jesus. I know that when I hang around one person so much, I begin to pick up some of their mannerisms. Not on purpose. and sometimes I don't even notice until someone else points it out. I want to take time out of my day to go to the banquet table where God provides everything that I need. I want to spend SOOO much time with Him, that I start becoming like Him. I need to decrease so that there is room for the Lord to increase.<br />
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It makes me think of this song by Leeland called "carried to the table"<br />
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I love the words of this song, they are so true!<br />
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The song says:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Wounded and forsaken</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">I was shattered by the fall </span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Broken and forgotten</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Feeling lost and all alone</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Summoned by the King</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Into the Master’s courts</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Lifted by the Savior</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">And cradled in His arms</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">I was carried to the table</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Seated where I don’t belong</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Carried to the table</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Swept away by His love</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">And I don’t see my brokenness anymore</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">When I’m seated at the table of the Lord</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">I’m carried to the table</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">The table of the Lord</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Fighting thoughts of fear</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">And wondering why He called my name</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Am I good enough to share this cup</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">This world has left me lame</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">Even in my weakness</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">The Savior called my name</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">In His Holy presence</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">I’m healed and unashamed</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">You carried me, my God</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;">You carried me</span><br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><br />So I ask, are you entering into the banquet that God calls us into, or are you settling for a drive through experience? <br style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;" /><span style="font-family: tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 15px;"><br /></span></span></span></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-84294736026952406582012-03-03T19:23:00.002-08:002012-03-03T19:28:01.790-08:00Thoughts from running 20 mi...<span style="font-size: 100%; font-family: Georgia, serif; "><span>When you are running 20 mi and it takes you 5 hours, you kinda have time to think about things lol. Today I decided to run some place new, and it happens to be the very trail my ultra marathon race will be held on. I think in the 5 hours I passed maybe 7 people. There was nothing around but cows, horses, and houses. I ran the first 13 miles with no problem. But then, pain started kicking in, and I began to get really tired. My legs hurt, my back hurt, and my knees hurt. Thats when it becomes mind over matter. Mental toughness had to take over. I began to talk to God and tried to think of something that I could think about. Something for my mind to focus on so I could stop thinking about the pain and how incredibly thirsty I was! It was a dumb idea to run 20 miles without anything to drink, and eating gel packs that make me thirsty!!! I was running by this small swamp. The water was gross and I wondered about what kind of snakes or alligators or other things could be lurking in there. (yes, I know we don't have alligators here, except at the zoo) lol. I though to myself, "man I'm so thirsty even that water is starting to look really good." That's when God started to speak to me and give me things to think and meditate on. What was I thinking wanting to drink nasty water I that prolly has ecoli or whatever in it??? I started thinking about this: we are born as a sinful human ball of flesh who needs God. As we grow we realize that our heart longs for something. Thirsts for something more. We can try to drink nasty polluted water, just to find ourselves going back for more because we aren't satisfied. We can drink that water but are still thirsty again. Or we can choose to drink of the living water, so that we will never thirst. We can go to the bottomless well of the word of God. Why drink dirty water when you can have sparkling clean water? I thought about my life and if I had drank any "polluted water." I think for me, maybe you are different, but for me I just get so busy that I dont make that time to drink from the spring of living water and as I go about my day I get thirsty and sometimes I can turn to "polluted water." I had to check myself to see if I had anything in my life that shouldn't be there. anything what was displeasing to God or anything that I had standing in the way between me and Him.</span></span><div style="font-size: 100%; font-family: Georgia, serif; "><span>It makes me think of another water illustration.... when I was in Africa I got to visit a Berber village high up in the mountains. In this village there was a river of water that came straight from the mountain. It was naturally cold, and free of any bacteria. This water was as clean and fresh as water can get, since it came straight from the mountain. I went over and filled up my water bottle and it tasted so good and refreshing! But, as I walked across the bridge I noticed about 6 feet from the place the water came out of the mountain, there was a pipe with dirty water that came into this river. The water was brown and gross looking. So now, the rest of the river was contaminated. I thought it was a great sermon illustration because Jesus washes us whiter than snow, and we are clean but we can let things come into our lives that pollutes us. You couldn't tell that the river was polluted, it still looked clear. But when you see dirty water going into the river, would you want to drink it?</span></div><div style="font-size: 100%; font-family: Georgia, serif; "><span><span>Also, I got to thinking about how </span>desperate<span> I was for something to drink! It was kinda hot, the sun was shining down, there was so shade and I'm eating gel that makes me even more thirsty. I was motivated to keep running just so I could get to my van faster so i could get a drink. I want to be so desperate for God that it moves me to action. yes, I know I need God and I read my bible and have my devo time, but I think I lost my since of desperation for God. I have been trying to handle things on my own, in my own strength and understanding. it doesn't work. I think at this point in my running I was just so tired, i was calling out to God for strength and He was able to talk to me and show me things because I was so physically tired I couldn't argue back. I don't know if running long distances makes a person emotional but my eyes teared up and i began crying out to God because I realized how desperate and helpless I am without Him. I want to thirst for Christ everyday and get filled to over flowing with the Holy Spirit and not live a day on yesterdays "fill of God" but I want a new, fresh drink of the Spirit. I want to show hurting and confused, and lost people where they can drink living water and be truly satisfied!</span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-size: 100%; font-family: Georgia, serif; "><span>I thought about running the race that is marked out for me. Running long distances isn't easy. And sometimes its lonely. Sometimes no one else will be around, running with you... except God. I know I am called to a sensitive country in North Africa and sometimes I feel like its a marathon between where i am now, and actually getting over there. I do know that i am at cbc for a reason. I'm here to train. This is where I am supposed to be. it's also my choice of how I train. When times get tough will I cut corners, will I stop, will I decide to turn back, or take an easier alternative? I know I didn't start very strong, and haven't been strong the majority of my time here, but I want to finish strong and give glory to God. I want to comp</span><span>lete my cbc training so I can go on to my next training session, and be one step closer to Africa. one v</span></span><span><span style="font-size: 100%; ">erse I have always loved especially when training for Chicago marathon, is 1 Cor 9:24-27 which says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize, Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run </span><span >like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. <span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize</span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">." the stricter the training the better off you will be on race day. I want to be strict in my prayer and devotional life. that is an area that can use more discipline. I have been slacking in my marathon training and in my spiritual life training. i'm ready to do as Lecrae says in one of my favorite songs that he sings, and that is to "go hard... or go home." There is a lot of truth in that statement for any kind of training you do. his song talks about how there is a spiritual war that is raging and how we are just focused on talking on facebook, playing games, and just sitting watching tv. Instead we should more concerned with the warfare going on. I feel like I have been busying myself with things that don't really matter and just waste my time. Well... I've been "sitting on the couch" for far too long, and I'm tired of it. Its time to get up and do something. I'm going to go hard in my training, even when it hurts or is uncomfortable. Even when I think its too hard and want to stop and quit or take the easy way out. </span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); text-align: -webkit-auto; " >Man, the things that God has done in me while running. I guess that is the time when all distractions fall away and its just me and God. I want to remove distractions from my life so I can focus more on God. I want to be rooted in God so that when distractions and hard times come, I will not be easily shaken. I feel like my foundation in God isn't as strong as it should be and that is why I am easily shaken. Well, now I'm choosing to have strict training and spiritual disciplines so that dirty old devil can't easily shake me and make me fall down!</span></div><div><span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); " ><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; "><span >I feel like there are more thoughts from today, but I can't think of them right now. These thoughts are pretty heavy and I will be thinking about them for awhile.</span></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-9541017026790394032012-03-03T17:38:00.005-08:002012-03-03T19:22:51.549-08:00my thoughts from running 20 mi.<span><span >When you are running 20 mi and it takes you 5 hours, you kinda have time to think about things lol. Today I decided to run some place new, and it happens to be the very trail my ultra marathon race will be held on. I think in the 5 hours I passed maybe 7 people. There was nothing around but cows, horses, and houses. I ran the first 13 miles with no problem. But then, pain started kicking in, and I began to get really tired. My legs hurt, my back hurt, and my knees hurt. Thats when it becomes mind over matter. Mental toughness had to take over. I began to talk to God and tried to think of something that I could think about. Something for my mind to focus on so I could stop thinking about the pain and how incredibly thirsty I was! It was a dumb idea to run 20 miles without anything to drink, and eating gel packs that make me thirsty!!! I was running by this small swamp. The water was gross and I wondered about what kind of snakes or alligators or other things could be lurking in there. (yes, I know we don't have alligators here, except at the zoo) lol. I though to myself, "man I'm so thirsty even that water is starting to look really good." That's when God started to speak to me and give me things to think and meditate on. What was I thinking wanting to drink nasty water I that prolly has ecoli or whatever in it??? I started thinking about this: we are born as a sinful human ball of flesh who needs God. As we grow we realize that our heart longs for something. Thirsts for something more. We can try to drink nasty polluted water, just to find ourselves going back for more because we aren't satisfied. We can drink that water but are still thirsty again. Or we can choose to drink of the living water, so that we will never thirst. We can go to the bottomless well of the word of God. Why drink dirty water when you can have sparkling clean water? I thought about my life and if I had drank any "polluted water." I think for me, maybe you are different, but for me I just get so busy that I dont make that time to drink from the spring of living water and as I go about my day I get thirsty and sometimes I can turn to "polluted water." I had to check myself to see if I had anything in my life that shouldn't be there. anything what was displeasing to God or anything that I had standing in the way between me and Him. </span></span><div style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; "><span >It makes me think of another water illustration.... when I was in Africa I got to visit a Berber village high up in the mountains. In this village there was a river of water that came straight from the mountain. It was naturally cold, and free of any bacteria. This water was as clean and fresh as water can get, since it came straight from the mountain. I went over and filled up my water bottle and it tasted so good and refreshing! But, as I walked across the bridge I noticed about 6 feet from the place the water came out of the mountain, there was a pipe with dirty water that came into this river. The water was brown and gross looking. So now, the rest of the river was contaminated. I thought it was a great sermon illustration because Jesus washes us whiter than snow, and we are clean but we can let things come into our lives that pollutes us. You couldn't tell that the river was polluted, it still looked clear. But when you see dirty water going into the river, would you want to drink it? </span></div><div><span ><span>Also, I got to thinking about how </span>desperate<span> I was for something to drink! It was kinda hot, the sun was shining down, there was so shade and I'm eating gel that makes me even more thirsty. I was motivated to keep running just so I could get to my van faster so i could get a drink. I want to be so desperate for God that it moves me to action. yes, I know I need God and I read my bible and have my devo time, but I think I lost my since of desperation for God. I have been trying to handle things on my own, in my own strength and understanding. it doesn't work. I think at this point in my running I was just so tired, i was calling out to God for strength and He was able to talk to me and show me things because I was so physically tired I couldn't argue back. I don't know if running long distances makes a person emotional but my eyes teared up and i began crying out to God because I realized how desperate and helpless I am without Him. I want to thirst for Christ everyday and get filled to over flowing with the Holy Spirit and not live a day on yesterdays "fill of God" but I want a new, fresh drink of the Spirit. I want to show hurting and confused, and lost people where they can drink living water and be truly satisfied! </span></span></div><div><span ><span><span>I thought about running the race that is marked out for me. Running long distances isn't easy. And sometimes its lonely. Sometimes no one else will be around, running with you... except God. I know I am called to a sensitive country in North Africa and sometimes I feel like its a marathon between where i am now, and actually getting over there. I do know that i am at cbc for a reason. I'm here to train. This is where I am supposed to be. it's also my choice of how I train. When times get tough will I cut corners, will I stop, will I decide to turn back, or take an easier alternative? I know I didn't start very strong, and haven't been strong the majority of my time here, but I want to finish strong and give glory to God. I want to comp</span><span>lete my cbc training so I can go on to my next training session, and be one step closer to Africa. one v</span></span><span>erse I have always loved especially when training for Chicago marathon, is 1 Cor 9:24-27 which says "Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize, Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. <span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "> No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize</span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); ">." the stricter the training the better off you will be on race day. I want to be strict in my prayer and devotional life. that is an area that can use more discipline. I have been slacking in my marathon training and in my spiritual life training. i'm ready to do as Lecrae says in one of my favorite songs that he sings, and that is to "go hard... or go home." There is a lot of truth in that statement for any kind of training you do. his song talks about how there is a spiritual war that is raging and how we are just focused on talking on facebook, playing games, and just sitting watching tv. Instead we should more concerned with the warfare going on. I feel like I have been busying myself with things that don't really matter and just waste my time. Well... I've been "sitting on the couch" for far too long, and I'm tired of it. Its time to get up and do something. I'm going to go hard in my training, even when it hurts or is uncomfortable. Even when I think its too hard and want to stop and quit or take the easy way out. </span></span></span></div><div><span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); " >Man, the things that God has done in my while running. I guess that is the time when all distractions fall away and its just me and God. I want to remove distractions from my life so I can focus more on God. I want to be rooted in God so that when distractions and hard times come, I will not be easily shaken. I feel like my foundation in God isn't as strong as it should be and that is why I am easily shaken. Well, now I'm choosing to have strict training and spiritual disciplines so that dirty old devil can't easily shake me and make me fall down! </span></span></div><div><span><span style="text-align: -webkit-auto; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); " ><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: -webkit-auto; "><span >I feel like there are more thoughts from today, but I can't think of them right now. These thoughts are pretty heavy and I will be thinking about them for awhile. </span></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-53699949406597624232012-03-01T21:29:00.001-08:002012-03-01T21:29:53.175-08:00Confessions...<span><span>I've been thinking about things lately.... sometimes I try not to think about them, and just push my thoughts to the "back burner" in my mind, only to have them resurface again later. There is so much going on. I am getting an apartment and I have a really cute dog. I'm training for an ultra marathon. I'm so excited for this transitional time in my life. I'm ready to live on my own. But also, when I was running I was thinking about the discipline that it takes to actually get up and run every day, even when you don't feel like it. I used to be really disciplined with running and with my spiritual life. This is something that I am still working on. Sometimes I feel like I have no discipline and that I can't find any motivation. I used to be competitive and now, I just back up from things or put up a wall. I'm trying to be disciplined with running, bible reading, and spending time with God. God needs to be the center of my life because when He is, then everything else will fall into the proper place. I feel like there are so many emotions going on inside. I try not to think about them or when I start feeling guilty about feeling the way i do, I push the thoughts and feelings to the side, and try to ignore them. On one side, I feel like life is great and I'm ready to get my credentials, start itenerating, and going to the mission field. On the flip side, I feel like I am not good enough, and inadequate. The thought of having credentials scares me, the thought of being on staff at a church... scares me. Maybe I'm just having these emotions because its close to that time of the month, I don't know. The other day my grandma was saying that its sad that my mom is missing out on so much with my life. I wish she could come shopping and out to eat with me. I wish she could come see my new place and help me decorate it. But when I start feeling this way I feel guilty because my mom is a woman of God. She prays for me all the time and she has a relationship with Jesus. That should be all I want. I'd rather have a parent who knows Jesus that is physically handicapped, than a parent who isn't saved and can walk. I try to make since out of everything but then I just get more </span>confused<span>. I take my thoughts to God and give them to him. I vent to him, and ask for his help but then I walk away and try to do things on my own, in my own strength. i need lean on God's understanding and not mine.</span></span><div><span><span>ok... I feel better getting that off my chest.</span></span></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-22545653005873308882010-04-19T19:32:00.000-07:002010-04-19T20:50:47.591-07:00Dandelions<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRE1bjmaMObMNB273pAXX3DfBLdN0AEtT8a97c0W54BjdIIIvwPA_yQ11Xf4iZzE3HCxz9vXY7sX9xmU67-jep1CRxI5lv8p_bCzwbDR5PoBBo9QYSmhVJug_ElzHAWRACl1yTYoGjzpU/s1600/074.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRE1bjmaMObMNB273pAXX3DfBLdN0AEtT8a97c0W54BjdIIIvwPA_yQ11Xf4iZzE3HCxz9vXY7sX9xmU67-jep1CRxI5lv8p_bCzwbDR5PoBBo9QYSmhVJug_ElzHAWRACl1yTYoGjzpU/s320/074.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5462061175326305538" /></a></div>One of my favorite things about spring is all of the flowers, green grass, and blossoming trees. But with all that comes the weeds that in turn cause the annoying allergies. <div>So I was driving down the road and randomly this thought hit me:</div><div><br /></div><div>In our lives we have all have these different flowers. Blessings, friends, family, etc. Like our life is a garden. We produce fruit, or flowers... if you will, by having a right relationship with God. But sometimes we can let little excuses and compromise into our lives. These are the weeds. Weeds cause allergies, I know a lot of people are suffering with those right now. But the weeds we let into our hearts can cause us to be sick in spirit, if we don't do anything about them. </div><div>I'm sure everyone knows of the little yellow "flower" called a dandelion. I used to pick them all the time when I was younger. I thought it was a wild flower and when I found out it was a weed, I was bummed. The dandelion looks like a pretty flower but really when you get to the root of it, it's a weed that chokes out the tulips. If these dandelions aren't dealt with they can spread like wildfire and kill off the other flowers. Dandelions are much like sin. we can sometimes let the smallest thing like a single compromise to enter out lives. If this is not dealt with it can in turn spread and lead to other bad choices and poor attitudes. Sometimes the enemy will take these things and distort them to where it doesn't seem to be wrong. When you look at your life and see the dandelions, they can be mistaken as flowers, as the fruit of the spirit. But hang around long enough and people can figure out quickly that it's just a weed. a fake. an impostor. a replica of the real thing. For some people they wake up and stroll out on the porch to view their garden and see nothing but dandelions and a few flowers that haven't yet died off, and wonder what happened. We can sometimes be blind to these little weeds. Sometimes we don't want to take them out. They look ok with the other flowers, and besides its only one little dandelion weed. This kinda reminds me of the veggie tales movie, "the rumor weed" haha. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>But anyways, I hope this makes since, and I hope it challenges you to take a step back and look at your garden. are there areas of your life that need weeding? Let the Holy Spirit help you and show you which one is the dandelion and which one is the tulip. and let me tell you, weeding isn't always an easy process. I hate picking weeds it hurts my knees, back, arms. it's uncomfortable. But let me tell you, its worth it in the end when we have a beautiful and plentiful garden! </div><div><br /></div>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-23168620635550367662010-04-11T20:23:00.000-07:002010-04-11T20:34:02.562-07:00What now?Well, it's about a year or so later, since my last post on here. What do I have to show for it? Nothing. Thats right folks. Absolutely nothing. I have no idea what is wrong. I have no idea who I am anymore. Everyday I become more and more like a person I don't know, and further away from God it feels. I have no one else to blame but myself. I feel like I am losing all of my friends. It's not them its me. I feel like I'm pushing God away with one hand, and trying to pull him closer to me with the other. How does that work? It doesn't. I also feel like I have built a cage around myself and God is simply holding out the key to free me from my bondage, all I have to do is reach out and take it. There is no catch. But why do I sit in this cage I have built, accepting defeat and a low life when God has so much more to give? Thats a good question and I really wish I had the answer, but I don't. I came to school to get closer to God and I feel like it has ruined me. Why? How? I have no clue. I am tired of pretending so now I don't. Do I even have feelings anymore? It feels as though I have no feelings or emotion anymore and that scares me. Who I am now is a marathon away from who I was in Christ and who I want to be. I would rather run 1,000 marathons than begin to try to dig out this hole I have buried myself in. I just need God. I know he is trying to get my attention. What am I doing wrong? I can't seem to get to him...Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-81038674112091057412009-10-19T20:43:00.000-07:002009-10-19T21:06:10.581-07:00random thought for today...don't live on snacks alone.<span style="font-family:verdana;">Today I have been thinking, and no I didn't strain anything. haha. but anywho, I was thinking about somethin.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I saw my suitmate,Anisha, today and I hadn't seen her about, 24 hours, give or take a few. But when we saw each other she told me that she felt like she hadn't seen my in days! and really, it did feel like it had been a few days. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Here comes the thinking and aplication part...</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">i thought: What if we were like that with God? If we didn't have time to read our Bible and spend time with him would we feel that same longing to be together again?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I know as a college student involved in so much ministry, classes, church, work, sports, etc. that its hard to find time to spend with God. Im just as guilty as anyone else. I know that I sometimes fail to dive into the word everyday because I get some of it in chapel. it's like being super hungary and only getting a little bit of something so amazing that we want seconds, and thirds. How are we to survive off of a snack? I know this is a cheesy analogy and I notice that all of my "little analogies" always have to do with food, for the most part. haha. But, I just want to encourage everyone to take time to spend with God, and I'm definately included in this. I'm challenging myself as well. I was thinking, if we don't get into the habit of getting into the word everyday, even when we don't feel like it or feel dry as a river, and when we don't have anything left to give, then how are we going to when we launch out into full time ministry? Sometimes its easy to forget that we are in ministry right now. I know I forget, and sometimes even toss it around lightly. Everyone goes through tough times, and struggles, and temptations, but we need to go to the word and spend time with God. We can't just live off of what happened in chapel. Don't misunderstand me, chapel is amazing, but it shouldn't stop there. We should be strong in our devos, having that full relationship with God. The Bible says to recieve the fullness of God, and I think that can be taken in the relationship aspect.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Our God is a jelous God. He cares so much for us!</span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-74537930061881003782009-09-20T19:16:00.000-07:002009-09-20T19:31:58.873-07:00lessons from a child...<span style="font-family:verdana;">So the other day I was sitting in my suit mate, Anisha's room, and we were discussing notes for A/G History and Polity. So we got about half way into them and then went off on this huge, 3 hour long Jesus rant! It was so awesome! We were diffinatly iron sharping iron. I loved it. But ok...to the point about the child.... </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Anisha was telliing me about this girl at her church back home, and this little girl looked up to her so much and wanted to be just like her that she even started to try to sneeze like Anisha. I guess she sneezes weird or somethin. I thought that was just the cutest thing, and I even remembered when I tried to do things exactly like the person that I had looked up to so many years ago. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">But then I thought... what if we did that with Jesus? What if we truely tried to be just like Him? what would that even look like? I mean, in the Bible it tells us to "be holy for He is holy." </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Holiness: it's nothing less than conforming to Jesus.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">God is definately dealing with me on this issue. Every time I turn around someone is mentioning holiness in a sermon or in the classroom! I'm so baffled by it. Holiness. What a thought! Striving to be just like God, in every day situations. Wow. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">I think sometimes people hear the word "holiness" and they know that it could be attainable, only if you're a pastor, or some amazingly spiritual missionary or something. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">Holiness if for everyone! God created us to be holy! I just keep thinking.... what would that even look like if we went all out, and with every fiber of our being, strived to be holy? Oh how awesome!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Verdana;">So I encourage all of you to strive to be holy, in thought, action, and even the words you speak. Let God mold you into His likeness. Be willing for Him to mold you. </span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-2023052137364771442009-07-06T19:58:00.000-07:002009-07-06T20:01:43.113-07:00ok it's cheezy, but still, i like it!ok so just go with me here:<br />i was passing a church on the waoy to ash grove to see my mom and the name of the church was evergreen bapstist, which got me thinking.... i want to be like the evergreen....<br />ever like Jesus<br />ever loving<br />ever compassionate<br />ever forgiving<br /><br />etc.....<br />we should always be striving to be like Him, in everything that we do. standing tall just like.... an evergreen!<br /><br />:)Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-89135415794408267702009-06-09T16:52:00.000-07:002009-06-09T16:59:05.771-07:00summer.so i really feel like i am doing nothing of value this summer. its driving me crazy that i am not somewhere doing something!!! i want to be overseas or at least out of state, even another city would be fine. i cant stand it anymore in springfield!!!! im going nuts! I dont like the thought of my bf out there living it up and i am stuck here! i want to work with my youth group and do ministry in my home church, yano poor back into the church that has poured quite a bit into me. i know this summer isnt useless, i know God has a plan. im just not sure what it is and its frusterating. sometimes it feels as though there wont be a "plan" for me to follow this summer. its gone by so fast, i dont want to waste it, i want to use it to get closer to God. i am going to youth camp in 2 weeks as an assistant dorm leader with my church i know God will do mighty things. i know ministry cant happen over night, it involves time to make strong relationships, establish trust, and so forth. ugh. i look to God he is my source of strength. its just frusterating sometimes.Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-64408172523135454572009-04-03T20:22:00.000-07:002009-04-03T20:30:27.140-07:00situations shape who you are.what has college done to me? is that really the question or is it what have i allowed college to do to me? im thinking its prolly the later. man, this has been a super rough year. i dont want to quit, but sometimes when i let my mind free to wander i can't help but think about this and be tempted. i don't think i would ever leave, i dont think i could.<br /><br />but now after looking back on this year, i can't help but wonder who i am. when i came here i was so stinkin sure of who i was. i knew who i was in Christ. i still know i am a child of the king, but what i dont know, is who is that child of the king? im trying so hard to find myself in God. i guess you just have to go to source to find that out. i just need to get away for a weekend or something. i just need to get away from people here and just think and draw close to God. i miss those youth camp days b/c there was no one to bother you and God. it was so peaceful. im going to have to find the youth camp life again.Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-74777408742804797202009-03-21T12:15:00.000-07:002009-03-21T12:41:18.669-07:00Azuza Street Revival!So I'm sitting back stage waiting for my first scene in the Azuza play. I can't help but think of the past two performences we've had. God has fallen in such a mighty way! I've heard such awesome stories of how people have been touched. Man, this is what its all about! Like Sis Mo said, even if it's one person that gets touched its all worth it! Man, so far during some of the scenes it's like I get a glimpse of the Azuza Revial. It's so intense! I'm just praying that the cast and crew of this play, never get tired of this. i mean, even though its the same lines and same exact thing everytime, somehow it NEVER gets old! God's spirit falls! whew! its powerful stuff.Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-62719274685335687112009-02-02T22:29:00.000-08:002009-02-02T22:45:06.139-08:00The God "Experience"I'm sitting here getting ready to go to bed and just had this thought and had to write about it before i forgot about it.<br />I've noticed that sometimes people, (myself included) tend to seek the "experience" of God, and not God himself. We just want to "feel" God and then we're happy until we come back when our cup is empty. Instead of living like this, I want to daily have my cup refilled! It's kinda like when you go to a resturant and the guy constantly fills your glass even when you've only taken 4 sips out of it. Or what about when people come by and fill your mug with more coffee, making the coffee warmer than what it was previously. Well it's like that with God. I want to have God pour a fresh anointing, and a fresh since of His presence in my life, everyday. How can we stand to live on yesterday's cold coffee? God wants to refresh us, but we settle for less when God has more to give. The Bible says to recieve the fullness of God. sometimes we are content with part of it. I know I want to live everyday with a fresh anointing. I want that refilling in my coffee cup! I don't want just an experience, I want God! (I don't mean to talk down upon the awesome experiences we do have with God. Thats not what I'm trying to say at all) I want to see God's face. I want to know every little thing about Him and His personality. Everyday is a new adventure with my father, and I cherish every minute of it!Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-50653282720047168452009-01-31T19:40:00.000-08:002009-02-01T15:31:15.920-08:00Who am I?Seriously? Who am I to go to a place, by myself, where Christians are persecuted. The country is number 6 on the the top ten most persecuted countries in the world! Who am I to go there when I can't even witness in my home town? I feel like the biggest hypocrite. I am not ready for this. How can I preach when I don't even know how? I'm think... kinda considering, about a decision that is prolly gonna ruin my future. You can take it as running from my calling, while persuing it at the sametime. ugh. This is rediculous.<br /><br />But God is so awesome. He has put all of this together in his perfect timing. He was workin even when I didn't see Him. I'm going forth, not looking back! I'm plunging into this missions thing! I hear God calling, and now...ready or not, here I go!Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-76494332764752698972009-01-17T19:14:00.000-08:002009-01-17T19:32:36.592-08:00Heart on a SleeveMost people have heard of the saying "Wearing your heart on your sleeve." When I first heard that I wasn't really sure what all it meant. Now, from experince, I do. I have found that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes I take it off for a short while, but most of the time it remains on my sleeve. I didn't used to be like this. In fact I was quite the opposite.<br />At first, I liked wearing my heart, displaying it for all to see. I was loud, and outgoing. (still am, but not as much) It was as though I had been rewarded with awesome friendships by this simple act. Now, I find that it just gets me in trouble. People have just torn it apart, made it bleed, and walked all over it, taking advantage. Now it's been forced back inside where it belongs. But now, I'm tired of hiding my heart. I want to take that risk of putting it out there again. I mean, I was silly to think in the first place that my heart would be ok when it's all exposed. But I have to wonder,in this new enviorment, if its a bad thing to wear my heart on my sleeve? To put it back out there. Unfortunatly there are wolves amoung the sheep. All I want to do is glorify God.Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-9911224408122058552009-01-12T07:32:00.000-08:002009-01-12T07:53:38.020-08:00Programing worship?<span style="font-family:verdana;"><span style="color:#ff6666;">I was recently at the WMS2 where people from all around the world gathered to worship and praise our God. (also, to recruit people to missions...haha) But really, it was the most amazing time I've experienced. I would have to say it was some of the best worship from this past semester. Anyways, when I came back to CBC it was like someone turned a switch on. I found it harder to really get into worship, to that level of intensity that is. Why is it that when we're at functions that the WMS2 or youth rallys we sing to the top of lungs...well almost...and when we come back, its like we get back into the old worship habits? I'm so sick of it. I know people who go to youth camp experience that a lot. In today's world we're so sure that it'll happen the question no longer is "will it happen?" its now, "how long until it happens?" its almost like we speak it into our own lives, its like we accept defeat before the battle even begins. Have we been "programed" to worship in different ways depending on our surroundings? its kinda like, if we're home we worship half-heartedly, but when we're on a missions trip or an outreach or at a church function, we turn that switch on and get focused in, and want God so much. we don't want to leave unchanged. why can't it be that way EVERYDAY? God deserves more than what we're giving Him. I'm not trying to sound as if I'm putting people down and saying everyone in the whole world is a horrible worshipper. I'm simply saying that no matter what "level" we're at, we can always give God more. On the days when we don't "feel" like worshipping, or the days we don't feel good, or are just too busy, we need to remember to worship God with all that we are. ever fiber of our being. Thats why he created us! If we don't worship Him the rocks will cry out. I don't know about you, but I don't want some rock doing the very thing I am created to do. We should worship Him with our very lives. the things that we do and say everyday. Honor God in all you do. Break out of the worldly mold. it doesn't matter what others are thinking, it only matters what He thinks of our worship. He deserves more than what we're giving Him.</span> </span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-48043493195128743472008-12-26T19:08:00.000-08:002008-12-28T00:18:23.210-08:00Random Rants and Raves...<span style="font-family:Verdana;color:#ff0000;">Complacentcy. Such a nasty word. But I have found it crept its way into my life this past semester. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. I guess it slipped up on me. Once I noticed it was there, I tried fixing it, but alas, it only got worse. I think this illistration a friend told me says it well. Picture a frog in a beaker over water over a fire. The frog is content and slowly the temp gets turned up one degree at a time. The frog settles for the new temp everytime, and most of the time doesnt even notice. The next thing you know, the frog is dead because he boiled to death. Lets just say the water is almost at boiling point. </span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-59550619165046493752008-12-17T17:21:00.000-08:002008-12-17T18:07:24.124-08:00Superman?<span style="color:#66ff99;">I cant stand to fly</span><br /><span style="color:#66ff99;">Im not that naive</span><br /><span style="color:#66ff99;">Im just out to find</span><br /><span style="color:#66ff99;">The better part of me</span><br /><span style="color:#66ff99;"></span><br /><span style="color:#66ff99;">These words are so true. They are from the song "Superman" by five for fighting. I stayed up until a little after 1 am this morning talking to some friends about this same thing. It seems like I knew who I was, I knew I was a child of the King. I mean don't get me wrong i still do. But it seems like when I came here all of the upper classmen make fun of you for being on fire for God. Now, I'm not speaking for every person. But really there are so many people who judge you here. we get taught a certain way to do things.... a certain way to worship, to preach, to do all these things, and if anyone steps outside of that box that has been created, then it makes them wrong. what about our theme for this year? "pursuing the extaordinary" there is a poster of it in the chapel, and its a purple box with a bunch of colors and splatters all around it. we talk all about stepping outside of the box, but when people actually do, they get judged and criticized for it. it makes the ones who do step out of the box feel like there is something wrong with them. its rediculous. Everyone speaks of not getting stuck in complacentcy, but when the upper classmen are not setting the example, it doesnt help. So many people are confident and know who they are in God but when they get judged, it makes them want to step back, and hold off on giving God everything. its like we are naive and everyone is just "humoring" us. saying, "oh how cute. they'll grow out of it. they will mature one day" its like, we all want to fly, and be all we can for God, but when we do we fail miserably. or we just see others fall and so we cant stand to fly, we aren't that naive. and now we're just out to find ourselves, once again. it stinks. i know for me, seems like i have to learn everything all over again. i have to learn who i am, and whose i am. i have to learn things that i already know. things that i used to put into practice, but now i know they're there, but they seem so foreign. i feel like i am stuck in the pit of complacentcy. consumed in a cave of critizism. </span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3653890489042522966.post-54253862224813571182008-12-15T19:34:00.000-08:002008-12-17T18:13:44.855-08:00Life as a Masquerade<span style="color:#66ff99;">Life is a masquerade. So many people wear masks. So many have learned how to perfect the dance so no one knows they are just going through the mostions. the dance is passionless. its fake. the one dancing is so insecure. they look at the other dancers. they see higher jumpers, prettier masks, better costumes, perfect fakeness. why is it they are compare masks?<br /><br />The mask is my shield, my wall, my veil<br />hiding insecurity and knowing at some point, i'll fail<br />my face stained with streaks of mascara, and make-up art<br />im pushing away the only one who can awaken this complacent heart<br />a sea of masks going through the motions of the masquerade<br />perfection of dance that flows<br />no one even knows<br />my heart cries out<br />for removal of fear and doubt<br />faces spin, colors blend<br />when will this song ever end?</span>Sar-hahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597947176263117782noreply@blogger.com1