Wednesday, December 17, 2008


I cant stand to fly
Im not that naive
Im just out to find
The better part of me

These words are so true. They are from the song "Superman" by five for fighting. I stayed up until a little after 1 am this morning talking to some friends about this same thing. It seems like I knew who I was, I knew I was a child of the King. I mean don't get me wrong i still do. But it seems like when I came here all of the upper classmen make fun of you for being on fire for God. Now, I'm not speaking for every person. But really there are so many people who judge you here. we get taught a certain way to do things.... a certain way to worship, to preach, to do all these things, and if anyone steps outside of that box that has been created, then it makes them wrong. what about our theme for this year? "pursuing the extaordinary" there is a poster of it in the chapel, and its a purple box with a bunch of colors and splatters all around it. we talk all about stepping outside of the box, but when people actually do, they get judged and criticized for it. it makes the ones who do step out of the box feel like there is something wrong with them. its rediculous. Everyone speaks of not getting stuck in complacentcy, but when the upper classmen are not setting the example, it doesnt help. So many people are confident and know who they are in God but when they get judged, it makes them want to step back, and hold off on giving God everything. its like we are naive and everyone is just "humoring" us. saying, "oh how cute. they'll grow out of it. they will mature one day" its like, we all want to fly, and be all we can for God, but when we do we fail miserably. or we just see others fall and so we cant stand to fly, we aren't that naive. and now we're just out to find ourselves, once again. it stinks. i know for me, seems like i have to learn everything all over again. i have to learn who i am, and whose i am. i have to learn things that i already know. things that i used to put into practice, but now i know they're there, but they seem so foreign. i feel like i am stuck in the pit of complacentcy. consumed in a cave of critizism.

1 comment:

  1. First of all, if I ever was one who judged you for your zeal, I apologize. It can be very easy to become too critical. You'll experience it too. We all do. But we must fight it. I hope I fought it well. If I didn't, please don't follow my example. Instead, learn from my mistakes.

    Secondly, there is another side to this. As an upperclassman, I can look back at some of the zeal I had as a freshman, and I sometimes wish for it again. But then I realize, it has been redirected.

    Often times, an underclassman comes in to CBC with unbridled enthusiasm for "GOD! CBC! MINISTRY! WOOHOOOOO!" ...and that's a good thing. BUT... for that zeal to EVER have any meaning or significance, it needs to be directed. It has to be routed to a specific path in order to last.

    It's like electricity. If you rub a balloon on your hair or your feet on dry carpet, static electricity builds up. This is like the incoming freshman anticipating all the great things God is going to do when they get to CBC, and eventually in the ministry. The potential energy is immense.

    Then, all of that static electricity that has been built up finds an escape when you finally get on campus (i.e. you pull the balloon away from your head and it attaches to your hairs, or you touch a doorknob after rubbing your feet on the carpet). The energy explodes out in any direction it can find! The kinetic and electric energy is immense!

    But what has it accomplished?

    My encouragement is to let the energy find a conduit. A reliable outlet that takes the built up zeal and directs it toward a purpose- a specific purpose. If it explodes out in every direction toward every possible future purpose, the energy will be lost, and your zeal will be useless.

    A river dam holds back a mighty river, only letting a measured amount of water through at a time. This allows the turbines to spin, and electricity to be generated. This power is not spent on the first available output, however. It is directed- pushed toward a specific purpose through cables and transformers and lines until it reaches its goal.

    Some people are overly critical, this is true. Some let their lack of zeal quench the zeal of others. But others of us are just making a difficult choice and are working hard to direct our zeal toward the right thing. This may seem less exciting to someone just coming in, but let me tell you- as one who is now working toward a ministry goal- this directed energy is the most effective and exciting. It only goes in a few very carefully chosen directions, but when it gets there...

    ZAP! Something happens... and it's a very good thing.

    Don't let your zeal die. Direct it toward your studies. Direct it toward your ministry. Direct it toward the Lord. Don't let others quench it. And don't quench theirs. Be a positive force of directed energy... and God will use you.